A: That blog no longer fits my personality and who I am, and does not reflect the changes I am trying to make in my character. I'm keeping it as a sort of archive of my past self, but I will no longer be writing on it.
Q: Who on earth are you?
A: A person.
Q: No, really, who are you?
A: A person who identifies as a heterosexual cisgender female, is the second of five children in a heteronormative nuclear family, an ardent feminist, a budding writer, a lonely soul in this wide, wide world. That enough for you?
Q: Why are you so grumpy?
A: I have depression and anxiety and I no longer feel the need to be nice to people the way I used to. There are a few exceptions to this rule, such as children under the age of ten, my younger brothers, and small animals. But I kind of hate people, in a very loving and grouchy way.
Q: Why do you want to write a blog?
A: Writing a blog fulfills my narcissistic need to say, "Look at what I'm doing with my life!" while still wasting time on the internet instead of doing things I should be doing, like writing and exercising and learning how to drive a car.
Q: You're dumb, I hate you.
A: That is not a question, but I can assume that you don't like me or my writing style. In that case, I refer you to the middle fingers on both of my hands. Go away.
Q: I love you forever, let's be friends!!!!!
A: Okay, but don't expect me to like, actually contact you to do things, because I probably like you but I'm too shy/awkward/grumpy/sad to actually think that you would want to hang out with me. If you're really sincere about this, you might want to get my contact information and make the first move. I certainly won't, but it's not because I don't like you. It's because I am a broken shell of a human who has lost the ability to interact with others without crying or screaming.
Q: What is the point of this blog?
A: I have no idea. Does there need to be a point to this blog? It's a place where I can post the minutiae of my life without boring the pants off everyone on Facebook.
Q: You're funny, you should be a comedienne.
A: Thank you very much. Talking in front of people makes me want to vomit, but I will consider writing a humor book if you would like to put ten thousand dollars into publishing it.
Q: You seem sad. Can I help you at all?
A: Unless you know of any therapists who are covered by Blue Cross Blue Shield, practice in south-central Pennsylvania, and do not have a nine-month waiting list, then no, you can't really help me. However, you can bring me sugar-free gummy bears.
Q: Why do the gummy bears have to be sugar-free?
A: Because I am on a diet and intend to be on it for a very long time.
Q: My parents want to know who you are so that they know who my creepy internet friends are. Can you give some basics about yourself?
A: I suppose I can oblige you. My name is Sarah, I am a not-quite-college graduate who lives at home with her parents, I am twenty-one years old, and I enjoy reading books and making people pity me. I do not have a criminal record and I am not a sex offender and I will never ask you to send me weird pictures of your feet.
Q: Wow, I really like your blog! How can I show my appreciation for it and for you?
A: Leave a comment on my blog to let me know. Since I usually cross-post to Facebook and Tumblr as well, you can also comment on those forums. Even if you just want to say something like, "Nice post," or "I like your face," feedback and comments are greatly appreciated.
No comments:
Post a Comment
I LOVE COMMENTS PLEASE COMMENT ALL THE THINGS :) :) :) :) :) :)